Recently, I’ve caught myself trying to manipulate my computer monitor at work using my finger. I’ve suffered (and have since recovered) from a common affliction in America known as Angry Bird Fever. I’ve found myself scanning every item in the supermarket to ensure that a better deal cannot be found within a fifty-mile radius. I’ve been known to interrupt movie night with the hubby by holding a device near the speakers to detect the incredible song playing in the background. That’s right, I’ve enlisted in the Steve Jobs army to take down the oppressive Android marketplace. In other words, I bought an iPhone. And it has been glorious.
The abundance of apps is astounding. They allow me to do anything from organizing my grocery list by aisle to keeping track of my breast-feeding habits in minutes and volume. Upon testing, I can confirm that the latter appears to only work for nursing mothers. There have been a few applications, however, that missed their mark. Here are some examples of the iPhone apps that failed to make it past the testing phase:
- The Lie Detector App – Due to the number of potential lawsuits from unfaithful spouses and the apparent glitch that all phones suffered from during political debates (the phone was known to sound its alarm and then sputter and die from exhaustion) this app has been deemed “too dangerous” for the public at large.
- The Synth Pop App – This app was designed to allow users to create a pop song with nothing but nonsensical lyrics that rhyme, and a singing voice marginally better than terrible. Unfortunately, record companies determined the app to be too effective and stopped its creation, lest a mob of Lady Gaga and Britney Spears fans discover how easy it is to make a pop song.
- The You’re Special App – This app was created for very insecure individuals that require compliments and adoration for motivation. The voice of the immortal SNL personality Stuart Smalley describes in detail why every user is “good enough and smart enough.” Production stopped after further testing revealed that the application would utter no words of encouragement to fans of Justin Bieber.
- The Box Office Remakes App – This comedic app was devised to jokingly predict remakes of classic films using today’s famous actors due to the lack of original ideas in Hollywood. The app was canceled after being deemed too accurate.